Happy Birthday, Ian

Today is Ian's second birthday. So far, I am doing okay. Carl is keeping me too busy to really think about it. I am also packing today, as we are leaving for Colorado this afternoon. However, I am well aware that grief is like an ocean. It comes in waves, and I keep waiting for the next wave to hit. Last Saturday, I was at Weight Watchers. I don't recall what someone said during the meeting, but I immediately welled up in tears. It's so strange. July seems to be the most difficult month. But it shall pass, and I will be okay. :-)

Sometimes I get a little exhausted trying to keep a positive attitude about the death of my baby. But it can be so difficult. Today is the one day that I allow myself to be sad. The "what ifs" will always be there. But I refuse to be known as the poor woman who lost her baby. I'd rather be remembered as the woman who did great things because her baby died. Death sure makes one examine life. Enough said.

Happy birthday little boy. *sniff* *sniff*